0 0. Post Cancel. CafePress brings your passions to life with the perfect item for every occasion. Realizing he won't be able to make it to shore, he calls the German Coast Guard. U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. Ders Roasts the Coast Guard Clip Season 5 Ep 1 1/14/2015 While recruiting college kids at a job fair, Ders attracts an audience by trashing the Coast Guard officers at a neighboring booth. The Australian Volunteer Coast Guard has no law enforcement powers. Coast Guard Boats Coast Guard Ships Coast Guard Rescue Us Navy Coast Gaurd Us National Guard Military Jokes Coast Guard Cutter Utility Boat. On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. report. MIAMI — The Coast Guard terminated an illegal charter of the 63-foot yacht, Hello0000, Wednesday near Miami Beach Marina. What the Recruiter Never Told You About Military Promotions, Check out the Military Weapons Typically Used in Basic Combat Training, Coast Guard Yeoman Job Description: Salary, Skills, & More, All About Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer Training, You know instantly that "work smarter, not harder" means billet cuts, People ask you what you're doing beyond the three-mile limit, You get married to move out of the barracks, You precede every public speech with, "I was going to tell a sea story, but seeing the lack of Cutterman's pins out there, you all just wouldn't understand". my wife will think i was in a whore house!" His work was on genetically enhancing marine mammals, especially dolphins. ). It seems that most of the good jokes have simply been revised and recycled again and again through the years. If you don’t get some of the references in these jokes about the military – don’t worry! Seeing the cargo strewn about on the ocean, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship. 4 1. branting. Get link for other Social Networks. I’ve noticed throughout my career that one way coasties add a sense of humor to our day to day operations is by applying little sayings or catchy phrases to anything that frankly is just down right stupid or a sign of our small branch problems. The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having sex in the ocean. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Personalized. nsfw. What Is the Coast Guard College Student Pre Commissioning Initiative? You tell your children that Fridays are 'field days', If you believe USCG really stands for "Uncle Sams Confused Group". A Coast Guard officer responded, “Please give your location.” “I’m on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish.” The officer paused, “Could you repeat that?” “I-75, two miles south of Standish.” A longer pause. E-Mail Scams and Jokes. If your child refers to the boat or station as "where Daddy lives". They come upon an English ship which seems to be sinking. 93% Upvoted. 5 years ago. “Naw”, said the other boater, “I think I’ll just wait for the Coast Guard to show up.” The Skipper A group of Skippers is walking through town looking for crew, when they see a five-story building with a sign that read, “Crew Association: Ship’s Crew Available” Since they are without their crews, they decide to go in. They all climb aboard a raft, and the blonde says "girls I know how to get us rescued." What Are Some Tactics for Getting Through Coast Guard Boot Camp? You claim to have a woman in every port, yet you are at an ashore unit. Yo Mama - Coast Guard Yo' Mama is so fat, the Coast Guard keeps a log of her bath times. She then let's all her beautiful blonde hair out of her ponytail and say's "Men always find me because of my bright blonde hair, the coast guard men will find us in no time!" Here is how it works: You get an email forwarded from someone you may or may not know. Nov 27, 2019 - Here are some jokes about the military and all its branches, specifically the Coast Guard. A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. Follow Joke Buddha Funny joke collection stats: 142,806 jokes 59,307 thumbs up 5,432 active users 1527 visitors online 3,871 topics 10,697 humor websites 40,653 humor links Come check out our giant selection of T-Shirts, Mugs, Tote Bags, Stickers and More. Tweet. The German coast guard station gets the message, RMS sea lion taking on water and we are sinking. "no can do" Pierre said, "We've got all we can do searching for regular-sized boats.". One has coast guards, the other has ghost cards. VetFriends has the best military humor on the web. Shop CafePress for Funny Coast Guard Jokes Drinkware. You are not sure if there really is life out there, i.e. Click here for more information. Coast Guard cartoon 25 of 45. Find jokes about all branches of the military, including the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard, National Guard and more in our daily, clean military joke section. We are in the same boat. "I'll SEAL you later" What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem? Coast Guard -- Songs and music - Patriotic music -- United States - War and Conflict Very boring it was. The admiral says "hey! Last Post 23 Mar 2008 07:19 PM by macmac. The funny military jokes and on this list are for soldiers and civilians alike. And, if you don’t burst out laughing from at least one Coast Guard joke in this book, there’s something wrong with you. During hurricane season one year the emergency services order the town he lives in to evacuate to avoid being swallowed up by high waters. In searching the Internet, I found a few good ones, some clean and some dirty. Edit: 23k upvotes in 3 days! Guard Jokes. There are some coast pacific jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. "As you are ze new guy, I am off to ze bier keller. urtruedestinee New Member Posts:97: 09 Mar 2008 03:10 AM: LOL hehehehe thats pretty good! 1336 Moorpark Rd. Anything will fit if you apply enough force. Feb 19, 2017 - Here are some jokes about the military and all its branches, specifically the Coast Guard. This has become a slogan that not only defined who I have become as a coastie, but it also nicely encompasses the Coast Guard in general. Source(s): https://shrink.im/a0oi4. ("Space Force" never passes up a shot at making a Coast Guard joke.) Trump jokes he won't be joining the Coast Guard June 1, 2018, 9:01 AM President Donald Trump praises the U.S. Coast Guard at its change-of-command ceremony and jokes about why he didn't join the organization. If your ship is handed a list of businesses your crew is not welcome at during their port call... You've left a port with more than one sign from the naval base... You've woken up in the "red zone" in Panama. A group of people evacuating stop by his house in a big pickup truck. My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. I’ve noticed throughout my career that one way coasties add a sense of humor to our day to day operations is by applying little sayings or catchy phrases to anything that frankly is just down right stupid or a sign of our small branch problems. Other branches obviously charge forward with "not even in the military" but the Coast Guard has definitely seen its share of life and death operations on the high seas, dealing with drug dealers, and even being deployed in the War on Terror overseas to handle port security and other coastal threats. Filter. Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited. The Best Ever Book of Coast Guard Jokes is so unoriginal, it’s original. The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having sex in the ocean. This book has so many Coast Guard jokes, you won’t know where to start. March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. In the state of emergency, he follows routine and calls the local coastguard: ...she's half asleep, the husband is reading the newspaper, when the phone rings. The email may be a sad story about a little girl who has cancer. The plane seats four people but it was unclear how many people were on board. This is a Joke my Dad (who is Catholic) once told me when I was young. U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. The Best 76 Coast Jokes . ... You will stand duty, watch, guard during your boot camp / basic training, sometimes the instructors are bored and like messing with people. If your 40-year-old boat is getting underway on Monday for a 6-week patrol and your still making plans for the weekend because you know the boat will break down within 2-3 days. BOYNTON BEACH, Fla. - A search was underway Sunday night for a small plane that reportedly crashed into the water off the coast of South Florida. #CoastGuard #navy #playing Thousands of people are dooped and fooled on a daily basis through E-Mail. Find great designs on Baby Bodysuits, Bibs, Baby T-shirts and more! 87 RESULTS 87 Results. With Hurricane Harvey currently outside my window, I was reminded of it. By using The Balance Everyday, you accept our. This military humor will crack you up whether you’re in the Army, Marines, Navy, or Air Force. You are still trying to figure out what TQM was all about. Rod Powers was the U.S. Military expert for The Balance Careers and was a retired Air Force First Sergeant with 22 years of active duty service. Other sayings are used proudly or in keeping with our naval traditions. The captain, in a panic, gets on his radio to send out an S.O.S. The U.S. Coast Guard and local law enforcement were looking for the Piper PA-28 near the Boynton Beach inlet, news outlets reported. "I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense. The redhead then decides to take her. Ed Westfall, the lighthouse program manager for the U.S. Coast Guard’s Fifth District, based in Portsmouth. Apparently off-shore … The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself! The Best Ever Book of Coast Guard Jokes is so unoriginal, it’s original. You panic when you have to wear nice civilian clothes out because you can't color coordinate because you know no other than blue. Suddenly, disaster strikes and they begin to take on water. Trump isn't president any more. However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with her, he couldn't believe the disorganization. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Being in the military, army, marines, or air force is definitely a serious job and comes with a lot of responsibilities. Here is how it works: You get an email forwarded from someone you may or may not know. Funny Coast Guard Jokes Wall Art. I didn't quite catch it at first, but then he started laughing and revealed that it was a little joke that fellow military men play with the Coast Guard. The Balance Everyday uses cookies to provide you with a great user experience. 1 1. by PO Bilge Rat | Jun 28, 2017 | USCG Jokes & Humor. You run from the kitchen, trip over the dog, fall and hit your head on the coffee table just to see a 15-second blip on TV when you hear the words "Coast Guard"! That way if the boat sinks everyone can just walk to shore. Coast Guard Family Separation Allowance Now Covers COVID-19 Restriction of Movement Orders on Ships You Can Find These Surprising Artifacts at the Coast Guard's Museum He was a real visionary, or so I thought at the time. The Coast Guard Museum opened its archives to Instagram, showing off some of it most interesting artifacts. He replies again "God will s. A man walks into a bar and notices the gentleman next to him has a very small head. 0 0. send Fan Mail to our new PO BOX ! Free Returns 100% … You can get an alcohol incident and advance in the same week. This book has so many Coast Guard jokes, you won’t know where to start. And, if you don’t burst out laughing from at least one Coast Guard joke in this book, there’s something wrong with you. share. A Navy admiral and a coast guard chief were in a barber shop. You need an IQ of at least 4 to tie a shoelace. Anonymous. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I. VetFriends has the best military humor on the web. This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for my stroll around the marina, I noticed a man running down the dock toward me dressed in Islamic clothing who shouted "Allah be praised!" After a few beers, he finally asks the gentleman, "Pardon me, but why is your head so small?". I … However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. The only response he hears is the heavy accent of the German coast guard speaking broken English. Free Returns 100% Satisfaction Guarantee Fast Shipping Coxswain Jokes. The last one was automated 10 years ago, said Lt. j.g. Image: U.S. Coast Guard - Military humor. Check out this list of You Might Be a Coastie If punchlines. The U.S. Coast Guard was officially formed in 1915, but it traces its history to 1790 through the Lifesaving Service and the Revenue Cutter Service. level 1. A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed. Here is a list of punchlines. First, for the uninformed (I shall not call them ignorant, although tempted,) this is a semantics game being played. The coast Guard (before the Patriot act0 was part of the DoT- but went active duty Navy during times of war. Jokes about military boot camp and funny stories. Read the best coast guard jokes and funny coast guard jokes to find some fishy humor about coast guards. What the Recruiter Never Told You About Choosing a Military Service, Pros and Cons of Enlisting in the Coast Guard, Coast Guard Careers and Law Enforcement on the High Seas, Coast Guard Investigative Service Special Agent Careers. A German coast guard is doing maintenance on the shores of the North Sea near France. Biden is president." And the guy woody one of the remaining Medal of Honor recipients alive joke on the coast guard If military humor is your kind of sense of humor, then these jokes are just perfect for you. This book has so many Coast Guard jokes, you won’t know where to start. A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and … The Best Ever Book of Coast Guard Jokes is so unoriginal, it’s original. 4 years ago. As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! Do you agree with me?" That hasn't stopped anyone from making fun of the Coast Guard. "He has arrived." Most heard Quotes from the United States Coast Guard. However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. ", when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. Military jokes for the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, and Coast Guard. save. There are plenty of bad jokes I would just as well forget. Aug 24, 2016 - Explore Adrienne Atadero's board "Coast Guard Memes" on Pinterest. 239 comments. While the minimum requirements for all the branches change with the needs of the service, a score of a 30-40 will get a prospective recruit into any of the other services, the Coast Guard expects a minimum of 40-50 from their applicants. See more ideas about coast guard, military humor, military memes. His orders were … It guards the coast in the most effective way - initially by education, example, examination and finally by search and rescue. It seems every time you watch a movie it says on the bottom of the screen "Property of the US Navy", If you've had people say to you, "The Coast Guard is military? When she gave my husband Bob a tour of her ship, he was impressed by the neatness of all decks. Your wife looks at you strangely and spouts out, "You're not my Chief, and I sure as hell ain't one of your damn Seaman!". You run from the kitchen, trip over the dog, fall and hit your head on the coffee table just to see a 15-second blip on TV when you hear the words "Coast Guard"! So there is a religious guy living in an area that is being greatly flooded. After "9-1-1" it came to the attention of some well meaning, but uninformed people that made noise about calling a member of the United States Coast Guard the nickname "Coastie" as demeaning. 100 characters remaining. A sailor tells a joke to two Marines. Sort by. Coast Guard Reminds Mariners that Hoax Calls are No Joke photo courtesy of MGN Online The Coast Guard would like to remind people of the dangers and penalties associated with hoax distress calls and the use of laser … See what else we have to offer. The Australian Volunteer Coast Guard Association was established in 1961, and modelled on the US Coast Guard Auxiliary, the association is an organisation composed entirely of volunteers. Eccentric, yet fiercely intelligent. Thousands of people are dooped and fooled on a daily basis through E-Mail. An Alaskan cruise is not an option for your honeymoon. Coast Guard Jokes. You panic when you have to wear nice civilian clothes out because you can't color coordinate because you know no other than blue. For example: Why do Guardians wear slip-on shoes? He says to his neighbors "I believe God will save me". ). dont put that shit on me! A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. On November 16, 2009 A pair of 47' foot Coast Guard lifeboats were filmed doing rescue manuvers at the Checto River Bar entrance during rough seas. only 8k away from 100k subs !!! hide. The guard says "Didn't you hear? ", You might be a TC Coastie if everyone on the ship asked you what you do in the radio room and then got mad because you said, "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you!". Attention! One of them volunteers to swim over to mainland so that she's can get the coast guard to help them out. Ex : "faire référence à" She has been coasting all year and doesn't expect to pass her exams. "comparing them to the rest of armed forces is a big joke. Looking for the ideal Funny Coast Guard Jokes Gifts? Seal you later '' what did the Navy or Coast Guard jokes is so unoriginal, it s! Of ship to look for, '' says the old hand refers to the Navy Coast... Is doing maintenance on the 75th anniversary of Iwo Jima a two-story house near the water seems! 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Is funny events that occur during their initial training n't believe the disorganization for every occasion sign... Comes with a great branch they truly do a lot of responsibilities can do searching regular-sized! Minute passes and they get a response.... Vell, vat are you sinking about not know each nearly,! Kind of sense of humor, military humor on the 75th anniversary of Iwo Jima have in?. This military humor on the ocean, they decided to send out S.O.S. Back in February on the web # playing the Best Ever book of Coast Guard, some clean and dirty!